Resilient -- Word for the Day -- Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Resilient
DEFINITION: (adjective) able to recover from difficulty.

"Why count your blessings when you can complain?" What a week it has been.

ChemoSabe has wanted to drive (drag) himself to UAMS each day this week as his WBC and platelets begin to fall. Then he drags himself home to the recliner. I take him lunch while he is still getting fluids and monitoring of blood pressure and waiting for daily lab results. He was there from 8:30 a.m. to 2:30 p.m. today and received two units of fluid.

WBC -- .50 (range 3.00 to 12.00); Platelets -- 83 (range 150-500); CRP (crap) 16.10 (range 0-10). So you see, he is now neutrapenic. He began the growth factor shots today and the Lovenox (blood thinner) was reduced to 40 cc from 140 cc. He started blood pressure med to 'bring' his blood pressure up. If you recall, when he did the first round of chemo his blood pressure was too low. Today it was 74-20. Too, too low.

He has had major problems this week with cramps in his calves. It only starts after he gets home and in the recliner or in bed. It is unbearable. I gave him a pain pill Monday night and last night it was two pain pills when I got home and then an Ativan at 10:00 p.m. The APN is claiming that is what caused his BP to drop, so we can't do the Ativan anymore. They suggested the Ativan because it cured the nausea he has had since the transplant. They also prescribed another pain aid today. Go figure!

He has not had the cramps tonight. Last night he hurt so bad he had me go to the store to get bananas to regulate his potassium. He didn't even eat dinner last night. You know now he was in pain. I finally got up at 11:00 and went downstairs to the couch for the evening. I found myself waking up to see if I could hear him fumbling around. Ain't that just like a man? Can't sleep with 'em; can't sleep without 'em.

I left the Tahoe out of the garage last evening so he could put his truck in since it was raining bad when he got home. When I went out to go to work it was raining heavily. Remember I told you a few weeks ago about us riding around in the rain and the sun roof leaked? Well, my console was flooded and the rain was pouring out of the rear air controls above the rear view mirror. The headliner was as wet as a soaked rag. I put three hand towels around the edges of the sun roof, but it didn't help. My pants were even wet when I got to work. I have an appointment to take it in on Friday.

This is where the 'Word for the Day' comes in. Resilient -- ChemoSabe continues on with his survival in being strong to take himself in. God continues to play tricks on us (sun roof) to keep our minds occupied.

As I was taking his lunch up, he called and advised the APN needed to talk to me. I was on the first floor. When I got up there and asked for her, she had gone to lunch. I was under the gun at work for a big project. ChemoSabe was irritated for having to be there for so long. So, I ended up going back to work and the APN called me. It seems everything we have done this week has been a 'hurry up and wait' game.

Yes, I am complaining, BUT I am also counting my blessings because I see a light at the end of a tunnel. When it gets rough, I just look at the photos I have on my desk at work and here at the house and remember Poppy. I count my blessings because he is clean. It may get tougher before the weekend with his counts dropping, but I see the results from Billy and other patients and my spirits are lifted. AND, the other patients get to visit with ChemoSabe in the rooms and share stories.

He feels better this evening as the pain has not come back. I truly believe he was getting too much blood thinner. BUT, I ain't no doctor.

We got an email from Billy and he thinks he will be going home tomorrow for a few weeks. He is still weak, but he looks good in color and health. He has gotten some of his reports back and they are good. He is resilient.

My body, this week, has not been so resilient. I am worn out. I have washed every night this week and I paid bills tonight. I have brought home work a couple of nights and I am running out of hours. (whine) The rain has settled in again. I am in the garage tonight.

God is so good to us and our families. It is true --- He doesn't give us more than we can handle.

Good night and love -- Pepper