Incisive -- Word for the Day -- Thursday, August 7, 2008

Incisive
DEFINITION: (adjective) expressed clearly and directly.

Long, long, long day! Arrived at UAMS at 6:30 a.m. and got home at 5:00 p.m.

Good news: WBC today -- 9.0 (2.0 being the low). Platelets -- 228 (20 being the low).
Bad news: The pulled muscle in ChemoSabe's calf (he thought) was in fact a blood clot. After the MRI first thing this morning we went over to the MM Clinic and spoke with a Triage nurse. She sat us up immediately with a Vascular Doppler, even before our next scheduled test. It revealed blood clots in both legs.

From my plan yesterday, we had decided I would drop ChemoSabe off at MRI and go on in to work since the MRI is a two hour test. After the cane deal last evening and then seeing how ChemoSabe could NOT walk this morning I decided to stay with him and we got a wheelchair as soon as we arrived. We kept the wheelchair until we left.

Our route for the day was -- hospital basement, MM clinic two buildings over, back to hospital first floor, over to Outpatient 3rd floor (building next to hospital), down to Outpatient 2nd floor and then over to first floor Infusion which is one building between the Outpatient and MM Clinic. We had originally parked at the hospital, but while he was in MRI I moved the Tahoe over to Outpatient deck which is covered. We were expecting rain and it is closer to MM Clinic and Infusion.

The treatment for the blood clots, which were the direct result of taking the Thalidomide, is two gut shots every 12 hours of Lovenox which is a blood thinner. I will be giving him those shots daily for 30 days. Here is the kicker --- remember yesterday we discussed the insurance problem? When we got to Outpatient Pharmacy we were advised the Lovenox was -- Are you ready? $4,615.26. The pharmacist was as dumbfounded as we. He felt so bad he asked us for the insurance card and he would go to the back. We sat down. Well, I did. ChemoSabe was in the wheelchair, but I believe I saw him almost fall out of it.

We waited for about 20 minutes and they called our name. I asked ChemoSabe to stay put. I could see the "what are we going to do now?" look in his eyes. I had already told the pharmacist that we could not leave without it. Well, they advised us insurance would pay for 14 prefilled syringes. That means seven days worth. I could come back next Wednesday to see if they would pay for another 14 and we would have to try it a week-at-a- time. So, I took the brown bag and sucked in my breath and asked the big question -- "How much?"... Are you ready? $50.00. I didn't ask any more questions. I just told the Pharmacist I loved him and paid cash and walked away -- QUICKLY! My momma always told me, "Don't look a gift horse in the mouth".

Another instruction we received for treatment -- ChemoSabe can basically only get up to go to the restroom until Monday when we go back for our original doctor's appointment, except for the daily visits over the weekend. He has been asleep all afternoon and evening except for dinner of which he ate fairly well. We also have our appointment set up for the big dose of chemo on Tuesday at 9:00 a.m. This is the one that will wipe him out.

I do not know what we are going to do about the rest of the year's worth of medical expenses for him. I do know we cannot worry about it. We have to put it in God's hands. Therein lies my problem. Those of you familiar with me know I am a control freak. I want the answers before the question is asked. I want the solution before the problem arises. I know we probably have several options, but I feel I am running out of gas and it is a problem I just don't want to pursue right now. I am too focused on his health instead of finances. Let's take care of his problem before I have to worry about paying for it. That is more important to me right now. Don't get me wrong, I am not irresponsible, I just need to give it to God. It is very difficult for me to be humble, so you guys are going to have to help me with that. Teach me to be humble and ask Him to give me peace. Give me the strength to focus on ChemoSabe only. Pray for me that I will give up my CONTROL! Again, those of you knowing me, know that will be a hard task for me. I am such a freak I feel I am the only one that can solve these problems. I am so selfish I will not ask Him to help me. Yes, I am stubborn and hardheaded, too. Which reminds me of one of my favorite songs a long, long time ago... Mac Davis -- "Oh, Lord it's hard to be humble when you are perfect in every way. I can't wait to look in the mirror because I get better looking each day. To know me is to love me. I must be one hell of a (wo)man. Oh, Lord it's hard to be humble, but I'm doing the best that I can."

Well, Kids -- I am closing on that "music" note. We have a busy day again tomorrow.

Good night and Love --- Pepper (Turnip)