Ominous •adjective
Definition: being or exhibiting an omen: portentous; especially: foreboding or foreshadowing evil: inauspicious
Did you know?
"Ominous" didn't always mean "foreshadowing evil." If you look closely, you can see the "omen" in "ominous," which gave it the original meaning of "presaging events to come" -- whether good or bad. It is ultimately derived from the Latin word "omen," which is both an ancestor and a synonym of our "omen." Today, however, "ominous" tends to suggest a menacing or threatening aspect. Its synonyms "portentous" and "fateful" are used similarly, but "ominous" is the most menacing of the three. It implies an alarming character that foreshadows evil or disaster. "Portentous" suggests being frighteningly big or impressive, but seldom gives a definite forewarning of calamity. "Fateful" implies that something is of momentous or decisive importance.
It is close. The end of the year that presented so many ominous things to us. Death is not evil. I believe death of a loving member of your family can reveal peace. Peace from suffering, loneliness, unhappiness and pain. My mother's death, although was basically from surgery resulting from an injury, was a release from her suffering, loneliness and unhappiness. I miss her terribly, but I do not miss the sadness in her eyes.
Saturday was a busy day for ChemoSabe. He was up and out of the house at 4:30 a.m. He made it to the 6:00 a.m. opening of Penneys for their sales. Then to labs, in the office and back for his Velcade. Labs are just soaring. Everything looks extraordinary. Nothing ominous.
We are still having a problem with the weight gain. So much so, it is effecting his sleep and problems with acid reflux in the middle of the night. I think the bowl of cereal at bed time in the bed will need to cease.
Sunday started a gradual down slide from the steroids. The tiredness is evident. Yesterday I noticed a little of the snappishness. I tend to 'turn the other cheek', so to say. He realizes it when he says or does something that is unkind, rude, etc., so I don't respond as I realize it, too. You know me; sometimes it is the hardest thing for me not to come back with something.
We do not have any plans for New Years' Eve and really don't want to make any. I believe the appropriate and most laid back for us would be to rent a few movies. We have a good credit going as we rented four last weekend and turned them back in time to get a $2.00/each credit.
Medication advice -- If you have any inkling of the flu, sinus infection or any other respiratory ailments, tell you doctor you want Levaquin. This was the drug I borrowed from ChemoSabe's stash. It was left over from his bout with pneumonia the first of the year. I started it last Wednesday and Thursday I felt 50% better. I took another on Thursday and Friday, but not on Saturday. So, Sunday I was down in the mouth again. I took the last one last night and I really feel a lot better. My cough is just about gone...
I pray you all have a safe holiday. If you are partying, I pray you do it sensibly. It is better to go the expense and spend the night than to go the expense by the end result of a DWI. The cost may be greater than monetary. It could be some one's life.
I pray the new year will bring you happiness and good fortune along with a multitude of good health. If an illness strikes you, I hope in some way we have helped you with our journey. It will soon be two years. Without the help, support and encouragement from you and from ChemoSabe, I could not have withstood the pressure. I would have given in to my own selfish pity parties.
So remember, those ominous clouds may not be that bad after all. God always has a purpose.
Good afternoon and Love -- Pepper
Chemo Sabe
- ChemoSabe
- Benton, AR, United States
- Diagnosed with Multiple Myeloma-- May 2008
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
Veracity -- Word for the Day -- Saturday, December 26, 2009
Veracity
Definition: Devotion to the truth: truthfulness: conformity with truth or fact:
something true
To keep up all veracity today I must confess, I STILL have not done any Christmas shopping. I have never waited so long. My mother and I usually had words beginning around the Thanksgiving holidays. She expected me to put up Christmas decorations in my house the day after. She would be gravely disappointed that I have none this year and she would really be dampened by the fact of the no shopping deal.
ChemoSabe began his meds last Tuesday (12/15). It was good that he traveled that week for two days. There were long days, too. With very little sleep he kept on trucking.
We made a Christmas gathering at our new neighbors house next door. The ones I adore. There were about 12 couples from our house down to the end of the culdesac. We got to meet people we only see in passing and were able to catch up with ones seen ever so often.
It has been a trying week. I have felt kinda scudsy and ChemoSabe has been crabby. Then his mom has been back with the hospital with a kidney problem. First the discussion was taking out the malfunctioning kidney and now they are going to do a stent to try to save it. It has been a rough couple of months for her since she is still recuperating from spinal surgery.
I have helped my brother get everything on Santa's list and now I am doing the wrapping along with items he has bought for his grand kids. I see all this stuff in my den floor and I think, "How do I get myself into these messes?!" But, then I have to be veracity about it and admit I will enjoy it in the end knowing I helped him through a difficult time.
It is over...all that worry about gifts and cooking and it wasn't important at all. ChemoSabe and I went out Tuesday evening and weathered the storm for some gifts. All but our own. Had to get off to work for Wednesday.
I had been fighting very dry insides all week. I don't get the regular flu stuff like stuffy nose and whatever. My sinuses dry up, my nasal passage and my throat gets so dry I choke on everything and cough. I put my 40+ yr old vaporizer on the dresser to spray over me and cram my nose and throat full of Vicks. No help.
Took some of ChemoSabe's meds on Wednesday night and I felt a lot better, but stayed in bed all day Thursday. I know...it was Christmas Eve. The floods dappered our efforts to get out except to find some cinnamon sticks.
I did bake some pies, chocolate oats cookies baked beans before I prepared the meatballs. I wanted everything so ChemoSabe could pop everything into the pots without me if necessary.
All went well. Had a surprise guest from Missouri we haven't seen in about ten years. Then the boss and wife came in, then little brother and Austin, then son and wife. We ate and stuffed ourselves and then ran my boss off with our karaoke. Way too much for him to handle.
ChemoSabe was up at 2:30 this morning so he could get ready for labs and Velcade. While he was out he did the 6:00 a.m. Penneys sale. He had fund and got a few bargains. Brought home my Christmas. Although I did cry last night and tell him I wanted nothing. He had given me everything with helping me with the house and letting us have it here anyway. He does so much for me.
We both have gained a lot of weight and I hope to get a handle on it quickly. He is off the steroids for the next two weeks, so maybe we can control it.
Labs came back very good today. Everything is above normal. He is doing great and we might even sneak in a ride before he has to head off to Atlanta again.
I still didn't put up lights or decorations. My mom would disown me! Not! It just didn't seems the same without her here to see them. She would always get excited about them. But, I don't have the hassle of taking them down and packing them again. The kids didn't even notice we had no tree.
I hope you all are well. Thank you for all the cards. We didn't send those out either this year. We just weren't into sending our newsletter.
Now it is time to say == Happy New Year -- Good night and Love -- Pepper
Definition: Devotion to the truth: truthfulness: conformity with truth or fact:
something true
To keep up all veracity today I must confess, I STILL have not done any Christmas shopping. I have never waited so long. My mother and I usually had words beginning around the Thanksgiving holidays. She expected me to put up Christmas decorations in my house the day after. She would be gravely disappointed that I have none this year and she would really be dampened by the fact of the no shopping deal.
ChemoSabe began his meds last Tuesday (12/15). It was good that he traveled that week for two days. There were long days, too. With very little sleep he kept on trucking.
We made a Christmas gathering at our new neighbors house next door. The ones I adore. There were about 12 couples from our house down to the end of the culdesac. We got to meet people we only see in passing and were able to catch up with ones seen ever so often.
It has been a trying week. I have felt kinda scudsy and ChemoSabe has been crabby. Then his mom has been back with the hospital with a kidney problem. First the discussion was taking out the malfunctioning kidney and now they are going to do a stent to try to save it. It has been a rough couple of months for her since she is still recuperating from spinal surgery.
I have helped my brother get everything on Santa's list and now I am doing the wrapping along with items he has bought for his grand kids. I see all this stuff in my den floor and I think, "How do I get myself into these messes?!" But, then I have to be veracity about it and admit I will enjoy it in the end knowing I helped him through a difficult time.
It is over...all that worry about gifts and cooking and it wasn't important at all. ChemoSabe and I went out Tuesday evening and weathered the storm for some gifts. All but our own. Had to get off to work for Wednesday.
I had been fighting very dry insides all week. I don't get the regular flu stuff like stuffy nose and whatever. My sinuses dry up, my nasal passage and my throat gets so dry I choke on everything and cough. I put my 40+ yr old vaporizer on the dresser to spray over me and cram my nose and throat full of Vicks. No help.
Took some of ChemoSabe's meds on Wednesday night and I felt a lot better, but stayed in bed all day Thursday. I know...it was Christmas Eve. The floods dappered our efforts to get out except to find some cinnamon sticks.
I did bake some pies, chocolate oats cookies baked beans before I prepared the meatballs. I wanted everything so ChemoSabe could pop everything into the pots without me if necessary.
All went well. Had a surprise guest from Missouri we haven't seen in about ten years. Then the boss and wife came in, then little brother and Austin, then son and wife. We ate and stuffed ourselves and then ran my boss off with our karaoke. Way too much for him to handle.
ChemoSabe was up at 2:30 this morning so he could get ready for labs and Velcade. While he was out he did the 6:00 a.m. Penneys sale. He had fund and got a few bargains. Brought home my Christmas. Although I did cry last night and tell him I wanted nothing. He had given me everything with helping me with the house and letting us have it here anyway. He does so much for me.
We both have gained a lot of weight and I hope to get a handle on it quickly. He is off the steroids for the next two weeks, so maybe we can control it.
Labs came back very good today. Everything is above normal. He is doing great and we might even sneak in a ride before he has to head off to Atlanta again.
I still didn't put up lights or decorations. My mom would disown me! Not! It just didn't seems the same without her here to see them. She would always get excited about them. But, I don't have the hassle of taking them down and packing them again. The kids didn't even notice we had no tree.
I hope you all are well. Thank you for all the cards. We didn't send those out either this year. We just weren't into sending our newsletter.
Now it is time to say == Happy New Year -- Good night and Love -- Pepper
Thursday, December 10, 2009
Cogitate -- Word for the Day -- Thursday, December 10, 2009
Cogitate
Definition: To think deeply or intently; to ponder; to meditate: To think about; to ponder on; to meditate upon; to plan or plot.
It is very hard for one to cogitate about another's feelings or ideas. Just when you think you have been with someone long enough something comes up that surprises you.
We have ALL known for some time that the journey for ChemoSabe would be endless. He knew it, I knew it and you ALL knew it.. I have shared with you my intermost doubts, concerns, hurts, fears, depression, joys and celebration throughout this process. Yet, little did I know how good news of a continued journey could effect ChemoSabe.
As you know, he has been off his chemo shots and steroids for three weeks...going on five because he doesn't start back until the 15th. In his heart he was hoping the doc would tell him there would be no more... The true realization hit him when she said, "2nd year maintenance to begin in March 2010 and you will be coming weekly for lower doses." Bless his heart... I did not know until he left town that it really burst his bubble... It has finally hit him that his treatments are a LIFE TIME deal or no deal.
We have to remind ourselves this journey is not like the flu... We will endlessly be alerting family, friends, acquiantance and such that he cannot kiss, hug, shake hands, or have much physical contact because of the immune system issues... It is lifetime. A few little doses of chemo and meds don't end the process. To me, that is the most discouraging and most realization of the matter.
So, even though we know the process, life still throws us curves if and when we cogitate long enough.
The good thing is the steroids will be one day a week and not four days straight. The Velcade will be a low dose every week and not a big dose every two weeks. Hopefully he will retain his energy and will not have the massive surges of energy and then the plummeting down of tiredness. In other words, I can forget my carpets being cleaned or things picked up around the house by him on those two weeks on! ha
It hurt me to hear his voice when he told me of his feelings... I wish there were some way I could wipe all this away with the twitch of my nose. The only thing I can do is keep his spirits up, because another year of maintenance doesn't mean we can't do what we have done all along. We are blessed he is able to continue on with work, hobbies and every day enjoyments. A lot of the folks with MM we have talked to in the last couple of months have filed disability, retired or just quit their lives altogether. If ChemoSabe did, I believe his faith, strength and attitude would falter greatly.
I just wanted to give you guys an update and to ask you to pray for his encouragement, continued good health, strength, stamina and faith. He is a good man.
Good afternoon and Love -- Pepper
Definition: To think deeply or intently; to ponder; to meditate: To think about; to ponder on; to meditate upon; to plan or plot.
It is very hard for one to cogitate about another's feelings or ideas. Just when you think you have been with someone long enough something comes up that surprises you.
We have ALL known for some time that the journey for ChemoSabe would be endless. He knew it, I knew it and you ALL knew it.. I have shared with you my intermost doubts, concerns, hurts, fears, depression, joys and celebration throughout this process. Yet, little did I know how good news of a continued journey could effect ChemoSabe.
As you know, he has been off his chemo shots and steroids for three weeks...going on five because he doesn't start back until the 15th. In his heart he was hoping the doc would tell him there would be no more... The true realization hit him when she said, "2nd year maintenance to begin in March 2010 and you will be coming weekly for lower doses." Bless his heart... I did not know until he left town that it really burst his bubble... It has finally hit him that his treatments are a LIFE TIME deal or no deal.
We have to remind ourselves this journey is not like the flu... We will endlessly be alerting family, friends, acquiantance and such that he cannot kiss, hug, shake hands, or have much physical contact because of the immune system issues... It is lifetime. A few little doses of chemo and meds don't end the process. To me, that is the most discouraging and most realization of the matter.
So, even though we know the process, life still throws us curves if and when we cogitate long enough.
The good thing is the steroids will be one day a week and not four days straight. The Velcade will be a low dose every week and not a big dose every two weeks. Hopefully he will retain his energy and will not have the massive surges of energy and then the plummeting down of tiredness. In other words, I can forget my carpets being cleaned or things picked up around the house by him on those two weeks on! ha
It hurt me to hear his voice when he told me of his feelings... I wish there were some way I could wipe all this away with the twitch of my nose. The only thing I can do is keep his spirits up, because another year of maintenance doesn't mean we can't do what we have done all along. We are blessed he is able to continue on with work, hobbies and every day enjoyments. A lot of the folks with MM we have talked to in the last couple of months have filed disability, retired or just quit their lives altogether. If ChemoSabe did, I believe his faith, strength and attitude would falter greatly.
I just wanted to give you guys an update and to ask you to pray for his encouragement, continued good health, strength, stamina and faith. He is a good man.
Good afternoon and Love -- Pepper
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