Ominous •adjective
Definition: being or exhibiting an omen: portentous; especially: foreboding or foreshadowing evil: inauspicious
Did you know?
"Ominous" didn't always mean "foreshadowing evil." If you look closely, you can see the "omen" in "ominous," which gave it the original meaning of "presaging events to come" -- whether good or bad. It is ultimately derived from the Latin word "omen," which is both an ancestor and a synonym of our "omen." Today, however, "ominous" tends to suggest a menacing or threatening aspect. Its synonyms "portentous" and "fateful" are used similarly, but "ominous" is the most menacing of the three. It implies an alarming character that foreshadows evil or disaster. "Portentous" suggests being frighteningly big or impressive, but seldom gives a definite forewarning of calamity. "Fateful" implies that something is of momentous or decisive importance.
It is close. The end of the year that presented so many ominous things to us. Death is not evil. I believe death of a loving member of your family can reveal peace. Peace from suffering, loneliness, unhappiness and pain. My mother's death, although was basically from surgery resulting from an injury, was a release from her suffering, loneliness and unhappiness. I miss her terribly, but I do not miss the sadness in her eyes.
Saturday was a busy day for ChemoSabe. He was up and out of the house at 4:30 a.m. He made it to the 6:00 a.m. opening of Penneys for their sales. Then to labs, in the office and back for his Velcade. Labs are just soaring. Everything looks extraordinary. Nothing ominous.
We are still having a problem with the weight gain. So much so, it is effecting his sleep and problems with acid reflux in the middle of the night. I think the bowl of cereal at bed time in the bed will need to cease.
Sunday started a gradual down slide from the steroids. The tiredness is evident. Yesterday I noticed a little of the snappishness. I tend to 'turn the other cheek', so to say. He realizes it when he says or does something that is unkind, rude, etc., so I don't respond as I realize it, too. You know me; sometimes it is the hardest thing for me not to come back with something.
We do not have any plans for New Years' Eve and really don't want to make any. I believe the appropriate and most laid back for us would be to rent a few movies. We have a good credit going as we rented four last weekend and turned them back in time to get a $2.00/each credit.
Medication advice -- If you have any inkling of the flu, sinus infection or any other respiratory ailments, tell you doctor you want Levaquin. This was the drug I borrowed from ChemoSabe's stash. It was left over from his bout with pneumonia the first of the year. I started it last Wednesday and Thursday I felt 50% better. I took another on Thursday and Friday, but not on Saturday. So, Sunday I was down in the mouth again. I took the last one last night and I really feel a lot better. My cough is just about gone...
I pray you all have a safe holiday. If you are partying, I pray you do it sensibly. It is better to go the expense and spend the night than to go the expense by the end result of a DWI. The cost may be greater than monetary. It could be some one's life.
I pray the new year will bring you happiness and good fortune along with a multitude of good health. If an illness strikes you, I hope in some way we have helped you with our journey. It will soon be two years. Without the help, support and encouragement from you and from ChemoSabe, I could not have withstood the pressure. I would have given in to my own selfish pity parties.
So remember, those ominous clouds may not be that bad after all. God always has a purpose.
Good afternoon and Love -- Pepper
Chemo Sabe
- ChemoSabe
- Benton, AR, United States
- Diagnosed with Multiple Myeloma-- May 2008
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
Veracity -- Word for the Day -- Saturday, December 26, 2009
Veracity
Definition: Devotion to the truth: truthfulness: conformity with truth or fact:
something true
To keep up all veracity today I must confess, I STILL have not done any Christmas shopping. I have never waited so long. My mother and I usually had words beginning around the Thanksgiving holidays. She expected me to put up Christmas decorations in my house the day after. She would be gravely disappointed that I have none this year and she would really be dampened by the fact of the no shopping deal.
ChemoSabe began his meds last Tuesday (12/15). It was good that he traveled that week for two days. There were long days, too. With very little sleep he kept on trucking.
We made a Christmas gathering at our new neighbors house next door. The ones I adore. There were about 12 couples from our house down to the end of the culdesac. We got to meet people we only see in passing and were able to catch up with ones seen ever so often.
It has been a trying week. I have felt kinda scudsy and ChemoSabe has been crabby. Then his mom has been back with the hospital with a kidney problem. First the discussion was taking out the malfunctioning kidney and now they are going to do a stent to try to save it. It has been a rough couple of months for her since she is still recuperating from spinal surgery.
I have helped my brother get everything on Santa's list and now I am doing the wrapping along with items he has bought for his grand kids. I see all this stuff in my den floor and I think, "How do I get myself into these messes?!" But, then I have to be veracity about it and admit I will enjoy it in the end knowing I helped him through a difficult time.
It is over...all that worry about gifts and cooking and it wasn't important at all. ChemoSabe and I went out Tuesday evening and weathered the storm for some gifts. All but our own. Had to get off to work for Wednesday.
I had been fighting very dry insides all week. I don't get the regular flu stuff like stuffy nose and whatever. My sinuses dry up, my nasal passage and my throat gets so dry I choke on everything and cough. I put my 40+ yr old vaporizer on the dresser to spray over me and cram my nose and throat full of Vicks. No help.
Took some of ChemoSabe's meds on Wednesday night and I felt a lot better, but stayed in bed all day Thursday. I know...it was Christmas Eve. The floods dappered our efforts to get out except to find some cinnamon sticks.
I did bake some pies, chocolate oats cookies baked beans before I prepared the meatballs. I wanted everything so ChemoSabe could pop everything into the pots without me if necessary.
All went well. Had a surprise guest from Missouri we haven't seen in about ten years. Then the boss and wife came in, then little brother and Austin, then son and wife. We ate and stuffed ourselves and then ran my boss off with our karaoke. Way too much for him to handle.
ChemoSabe was up at 2:30 this morning so he could get ready for labs and Velcade. While he was out he did the 6:00 a.m. Penneys sale. He had fund and got a few bargains. Brought home my Christmas. Although I did cry last night and tell him I wanted nothing. He had given me everything with helping me with the house and letting us have it here anyway. He does so much for me.
We both have gained a lot of weight and I hope to get a handle on it quickly. He is off the steroids for the next two weeks, so maybe we can control it.
Labs came back very good today. Everything is above normal. He is doing great and we might even sneak in a ride before he has to head off to Atlanta again.
I still didn't put up lights or decorations. My mom would disown me! Not! It just didn't seems the same without her here to see them. She would always get excited about them. But, I don't have the hassle of taking them down and packing them again. The kids didn't even notice we had no tree.
I hope you all are well. Thank you for all the cards. We didn't send those out either this year. We just weren't into sending our newsletter.
Now it is time to say == Happy New Year -- Good night and Love -- Pepper
Definition: Devotion to the truth: truthfulness: conformity with truth or fact:
something true
To keep up all veracity today I must confess, I STILL have not done any Christmas shopping. I have never waited so long. My mother and I usually had words beginning around the Thanksgiving holidays. She expected me to put up Christmas decorations in my house the day after. She would be gravely disappointed that I have none this year and she would really be dampened by the fact of the no shopping deal.
ChemoSabe began his meds last Tuesday (12/15). It was good that he traveled that week for two days. There were long days, too. With very little sleep he kept on trucking.
We made a Christmas gathering at our new neighbors house next door. The ones I adore. There were about 12 couples from our house down to the end of the culdesac. We got to meet people we only see in passing and were able to catch up with ones seen ever so often.
It has been a trying week. I have felt kinda scudsy and ChemoSabe has been crabby. Then his mom has been back with the hospital with a kidney problem. First the discussion was taking out the malfunctioning kidney and now they are going to do a stent to try to save it. It has been a rough couple of months for her since she is still recuperating from spinal surgery.
I have helped my brother get everything on Santa's list and now I am doing the wrapping along with items he has bought for his grand kids. I see all this stuff in my den floor and I think, "How do I get myself into these messes?!" But, then I have to be veracity about it and admit I will enjoy it in the end knowing I helped him through a difficult time.
It is over...all that worry about gifts and cooking and it wasn't important at all. ChemoSabe and I went out Tuesday evening and weathered the storm for some gifts. All but our own. Had to get off to work for Wednesday.
I had been fighting very dry insides all week. I don't get the regular flu stuff like stuffy nose and whatever. My sinuses dry up, my nasal passage and my throat gets so dry I choke on everything and cough. I put my 40+ yr old vaporizer on the dresser to spray over me and cram my nose and throat full of Vicks. No help.
Took some of ChemoSabe's meds on Wednesday night and I felt a lot better, but stayed in bed all day Thursday. I know...it was Christmas Eve. The floods dappered our efforts to get out except to find some cinnamon sticks.
I did bake some pies, chocolate oats cookies baked beans before I prepared the meatballs. I wanted everything so ChemoSabe could pop everything into the pots without me if necessary.
All went well. Had a surprise guest from Missouri we haven't seen in about ten years. Then the boss and wife came in, then little brother and Austin, then son and wife. We ate and stuffed ourselves and then ran my boss off with our karaoke. Way too much for him to handle.
ChemoSabe was up at 2:30 this morning so he could get ready for labs and Velcade. While he was out he did the 6:00 a.m. Penneys sale. He had fund and got a few bargains. Brought home my Christmas. Although I did cry last night and tell him I wanted nothing. He had given me everything with helping me with the house and letting us have it here anyway. He does so much for me.
We both have gained a lot of weight and I hope to get a handle on it quickly. He is off the steroids for the next two weeks, so maybe we can control it.
Labs came back very good today. Everything is above normal. He is doing great and we might even sneak in a ride before he has to head off to Atlanta again.
I still didn't put up lights or decorations. My mom would disown me! Not! It just didn't seems the same without her here to see them. She would always get excited about them. But, I don't have the hassle of taking them down and packing them again. The kids didn't even notice we had no tree.
I hope you all are well. Thank you for all the cards. We didn't send those out either this year. We just weren't into sending our newsletter.
Now it is time to say == Happy New Year -- Good night and Love -- Pepper
Thursday, December 10, 2009
Cogitate -- Word for the Day -- Thursday, December 10, 2009
Cogitate
Definition: To think deeply or intently; to ponder; to meditate: To think about; to ponder on; to meditate upon; to plan or plot.
It is very hard for one to cogitate about another's feelings or ideas. Just when you think you have been with someone long enough something comes up that surprises you.
We have ALL known for some time that the journey for ChemoSabe would be endless. He knew it, I knew it and you ALL knew it.. I have shared with you my intermost doubts, concerns, hurts, fears, depression, joys and celebration throughout this process. Yet, little did I know how good news of a continued journey could effect ChemoSabe.
As you know, he has been off his chemo shots and steroids for three weeks...going on five because he doesn't start back until the 15th. In his heart he was hoping the doc would tell him there would be no more... The true realization hit him when she said, "2nd year maintenance to begin in March 2010 and you will be coming weekly for lower doses." Bless his heart... I did not know until he left town that it really burst his bubble... It has finally hit him that his treatments are a LIFE TIME deal or no deal.
We have to remind ourselves this journey is not like the flu... We will endlessly be alerting family, friends, acquiantance and such that he cannot kiss, hug, shake hands, or have much physical contact because of the immune system issues... It is lifetime. A few little doses of chemo and meds don't end the process. To me, that is the most discouraging and most realization of the matter.
So, even though we know the process, life still throws us curves if and when we cogitate long enough.
The good thing is the steroids will be one day a week and not four days straight. The Velcade will be a low dose every week and not a big dose every two weeks. Hopefully he will retain his energy and will not have the massive surges of energy and then the plummeting down of tiredness. In other words, I can forget my carpets being cleaned or things picked up around the house by him on those two weeks on! ha
It hurt me to hear his voice when he told me of his feelings... I wish there were some way I could wipe all this away with the twitch of my nose. The only thing I can do is keep his spirits up, because another year of maintenance doesn't mean we can't do what we have done all along. We are blessed he is able to continue on with work, hobbies and every day enjoyments. A lot of the folks with MM we have talked to in the last couple of months have filed disability, retired or just quit their lives altogether. If ChemoSabe did, I believe his faith, strength and attitude would falter greatly.
I just wanted to give you guys an update and to ask you to pray for his encouragement, continued good health, strength, stamina and faith. He is a good man.
Good afternoon and Love -- Pepper
Definition: To think deeply or intently; to ponder; to meditate: To think about; to ponder on; to meditate upon; to plan or plot.
It is very hard for one to cogitate about another's feelings or ideas. Just when you think you have been with someone long enough something comes up that surprises you.
We have ALL known for some time that the journey for ChemoSabe would be endless. He knew it, I knew it and you ALL knew it.. I have shared with you my intermost doubts, concerns, hurts, fears, depression, joys and celebration throughout this process. Yet, little did I know how good news of a continued journey could effect ChemoSabe.
As you know, he has been off his chemo shots and steroids for three weeks...going on five because he doesn't start back until the 15th. In his heart he was hoping the doc would tell him there would be no more... The true realization hit him when she said, "2nd year maintenance to begin in March 2010 and you will be coming weekly for lower doses." Bless his heart... I did not know until he left town that it really burst his bubble... It has finally hit him that his treatments are a LIFE TIME deal or no deal.
We have to remind ourselves this journey is not like the flu... We will endlessly be alerting family, friends, acquiantance and such that he cannot kiss, hug, shake hands, or have much physical contact because of the immune system issues... It is lifetime. A few little doses of chemo and meds don't end the process. To me, that is the most discouraging and most realization of the matter.
So, even though we know the process, life still throws us curves if and when we cogitate long enough.
The good thing is the steroids will be one day a week and not four days straight. The Velcade will be a low dose every week and not a big dose every two weeks. Hopefully he will retain his energy and will not have the massive surges of energy and then the plummeting down of tiredness. In other words, I can forget my carpets being cleaned or things picked up around the house by him on those two weeks on! ha
It hurt me to hear his voice when he told me of his feelings... I wish there were some way I could wipe all this away with the twitch of my nose. The only thing I can do is keep his spirits up, because another year of maintenance doesn't mean we can't do what we have done all along. We are blessed he is able to continue on with work, hobbies and every day enjoyments. A lot of the folks with MM we have talked to in the last couple of months have filed disability, retired or just quit their lives altogether. If ChemoSabe did, I believe his faith, strength and attitude would falter greatly.
I just wanted to give you guys an update and to ask you to pray for his encouragement, continued good health, strength, stamina and faith. He is a good man.
Good afternoon and Love -- Pepper
Sunday, December 6, 2009
Lief -- Word for the Day -- Sunday, December 6, 2009
Lief
Definition: soon, gladly
I've been trying new designs for our blog...so if you don't like the colors, or if you are colored blind... let me know... I surely don't want you missing out on the news.
We have had an amazing week. One we will lief share with you. That is really an unusual word, but it is the one that popped up today.
I will begin by telling you I forgot to tell you a couple of weeks ago that ChemoSabe had four cancer spots removed from his face. He had a little wart like spot on the very end of his nose a few months back and our family doctor froze it off. It came back about a month ago and the day after his colonoscopy he was sent to a dermatologist and he burned it off. He found some other little cancer spots on his face and took them off, also. Now you ALL know how vain he is. But after what he has been through the last year he has changed.
That same day our MDO group was having Thanksgiving potluck. I had mentioned to ChemoSabe and a friend of ours that we use to have lunch EVERY day a few years back. No 'ifs', 'ands', or 'buts'... We made it every day... We have not done that in about ten years... Really not even had lunch together at all. I must have put a guilt trip on him without meaning to.. So, when I mentioned the MDO deal, he lief came. His face was all splotched, but he didn't act like it bothered him. We had a very pleasant meal. The spots came back okay and his face was back to normal in a few days after that black scab fell off the tip of his nose.
We made it through the labs, MRI, bone density and the dreaded bone marrow biopsy this week. We had our doctor's visit on Friday...she stayed with us from 1:45 to 2:30... She is an amazing doctor. Now, get your school notes out -- here we go.. See if you remember some of this stuff. Focus on the word 'unremarkable'... it means - nothing that stands out.
Report:
-- WBC - 3.85 (3.0-12.00)
-- RBC - 3.32 (4.50-6.00)
-- Platelet - 103 (150-500)
-- CRP (crap - ha) - <5.00 (0.00-10.00) remember, at times he was at 169
-- MRI - Stable unremarkable MRI of the brain without evidence of focal skull base or diploic myelomatous disease (this means he has no lesions or signs of cancer in his brain)
-- MRI - spine and pelvis -- Scans made of the cervical, thoracic and lumbar spines and pelvis. Stable hypointense homogeneous marrow with stable focal lesions. NO evidence of new focal lesion, compression or avascular necrosis is seen.. (this means he still has 25 lesions, but they have not grown. They are still evident at these sizes...1.5 cm in spine, 2 cm in spine, 2.5 cm in left sacrum 2 cm in the left ischium and other measuring and lesions. No lesions found in prosthesis is again noted. His artificial hip)
-- MRI - shoulders -- No focal lesions seen in either should area. Stable hypointense homogeneous marrow.
-- Bone Marrow specimens -- Aspirate: satisfactory -- Biopsy: satisfactory
The doc is still worried about the lesions not disappearing, but not gravely concerned. She is ordering another aspirate in March 2010. This is where they insert a needle into his back pelvic area and withdraw fluid from one of the lesions. The result is suppose to give her an indication, but it did not last March.He has not been on his routing in over three weeks. Due to business (work) constraints he cannot begin again until December 15. That puts us almost six weeks without the Dex or Velcade. She wasn't happy, but we had no choice. I wasn't happy either, but she believes it won't put us in the danger zone.
We begin the 2nd year Maintenance schedule in March 2010. Instead of the two weeks on/two weeks off, it will be weekly with one day of Velcade and one day of Dex.... It is suppose to be lighter doses, but for some reason being tied down to labs and meds like that weekly tends to put a crimp in your style. He goes to lab and then goes to work and when the labs come back he goes back up for the shot.
We did not ride in Toys for Tots today. It put a heavy burden on me and I think on ChemoSabe, too. We have been every year for the last five years. It was just too doggone cold. With him being off some of his meds, we were afraid the weather would put him down.
We did lief go to church and met the son and big E there. We both cried during the sermon. Our pastor is so good. He brings out the jerkers in you. That, along with big E sitting next to me, it was just more than I could handle. We are blessed.
We have been contemplating on whether we are getting a tree or not. I suppose I will put out our 9 ft. inflatable snowman and the carousel. I really don't have the energy to put lights out or to decorate a tree. I have been crying with each thought of my mother and my little brother. My little brother, because of his loss this year. He has done very well though. He put up his tree and let his granddaughter decorate it. He put up a few lights, too. We are doing Santa Claus lists this week, too.
ChemoSabe and I ventured out to Penneys after church. His closets are packed with dress shirts and pants (a closet for each). An envy of any man. BUT, he had to have two new shirts.. (I think he has some woman in him! ha). So, we went. While we were there we looked at pots and pans. I found a 13 piece copper bottom stainless steel set on sale for half price. We looked at about five different sets. He loves to cook, too. So, we decided on that set and brought it home. It would be mine for the Christmas tree (pretend tree).
The funniest part -- I headed over to the t-shirt section. We got t-shirts a few weeks back and they were the blended cotton instead of the heavy we usually get.. Too thin for me, but I don't wear them. I was looking at the sizes and I pulled out a package. They were the heavy blend. I said, "I really don't like the blended so I am getting this package for you.. Do you like the light blended?" No response. So I looked to my side and the man standing next to me was not ChemoSabe... I smiled and said, "Well, I guess you wouldn't know, would you?" Thank the Lord his cell phone rang then.
I emptied my nine year old pots/pans out of the cabinet and we unloaded the new ones... WE GOT THE WRONG SET. Same pots/pans, but 10 piece set... Of course, we had had to tear the box open. I hate that...but we couldn't get them out. So, for Christmas he will be getting me the pieces we missed... Might as well buy another set at the price you pay for individual pieces. I had to take my old big pots out and put them back into the cabinets, for now.
I love to cook in this weather. It is not uncommon for me to have something in the oven late in the evening each night. Tonight is my favorite and best pecan pie. It is called '72nd Street Pecan'. It is not made with karo syrup, but with pure maple syrup instead. Expensive, but lief worth it.
We have been spending some time with a couple I went to school with the last couple of weeks. The guy, I will call him 'Sambo' and I lived next to each other when I was in 1st and 2nd grade. The girl, I will call her 'Rosita' because her cheeks are rosy and smiles whenever she speaks. I went to junior high with her. They have been married for 41 years. They are such a joy to be with. It makes me feel like I am back in that era. We have laughed and shared our struggles.
Son came over yesterday and blew the leaves off our roof. Oh my!!! I believe there were more on the roof than in the yard. After he left we blew, mowed and burned leaves up to 7:00 p.m. It was like old times working in the yard together. It was a lot of work, but it was so refreshing.
We both shared some difficult situations with his doctor on Friday. Our Research nurse was in the meeting with us. I cried for about an hour. The nurse began to cry, too. I thought I was upsetting her, but she began to share her similar experience with us. Her husband was diagnosed with a rare cancer that is sometimes not detected until too late. It is a cancer that involves the muscles. They did surgery on him and now his right side from under his arm pit to below his waist and around his rib area is dead. He has not feeling of pain or any sensation. She even stayed and we shared after our doctor left.
At times, even when our doctor was present we would laugh out loudly. So, it was a cleansing experience for us. Since that time I have felt a relief. I have felt a pressure has been lifted. Our situation and circumstances have not changed. Even the reason for our crying has not changed, but it worked wonders to share. So to our Research nurse, Jeanie... thank you and we are praying for you.
Well, kids... my fingers are just about worn out. You are probably worn out from reading. Sambo---I hope I didn't make you cry.
Oh, yes, before I forget... WE ARE STILL IN 'REMISSION'!
AND, I just took ten shirts out of the dryer... Go Figure!
Good evening and Love -- Pepper "Go lief forth and rejoice to the Lord"... I really don't like that Word for the Day....
Definition: soon, gladly
I've been trying new designs for our blog...so if you don't like the colors, or if you are colored blind... let me know... I surely don't want you missing out on the news.
We have had an amazing week. One we will lief share with you. That is really an unusual word, but it is the one that popped up today.
I will begin by telling you I forgot to tell you a couple of weeks ago that ChemoSabe had four cancer spots removed from his face. He had a little wart like spot on the very end of his nose a few months back and our family doctor froze it off. It came back about a month ago and the day after his colonoscopy he was sent to a dermatologist and he burned it off. He found some other little cancer spots on his face and took them off, also. Now you ALL know how vain he is. But after what he has been through the last year he has changed.
That same day our MDO group was having Thanksgiving potluck. I had mentioned to ChemoSabe and a friend of ours that we use to have lunch EVERY day a few years back. No 'ifs', 'ands', or 'buts'... We made it every day... We have not done that in about ten years... Really not even had lunch together at all. I must have put a guilt trip on him without meaning to.. So, when I mentioned the MDO deal, he lief came. His face was all splotched, but he didn't act like it bothered him. We had a very pleasant meal. The spots came back okay and his face was back to normal in a few days after that black scab fell off the tip of his nose.
We made it through the labs, MRI, bone density and the dreaded bone marrow biopsy this week. We had our doctor's visit on Friday...she stayed with us from 1:45 to 2:30... She is an amazing doctor. Now, get your school notes out -- here we go.. See if you remember some of this stuff. Focus on the word 'unremarkable'... it means - nothing that stands out.
Report:
-- WBC - 3.85 (3.0-12.00)
-- RBC - 3.32 (4.50-6.00)
-- Platelet - 103 (150-500)
-- CRP (crap - ha) - <5.00 (0.00-10.00) remember, at times he was at 169
-- MRI - Stable unremarkable MRI of the brain without evidence of focal skull base or diploic myelomatous disease (this means he has no lesions or signs of cancer in his brain)
-- MRI - spine and pelvis -- Scans made of the cervical, thoracic and lumbar spines and pelvis. Stable hypointense homogeneous marrow with stable focal lesions. NO evidence of new focal lesion, compression or avascular necrosis is seen.. (this means he still has 25 lesions, but they have not grown. They are still evident at these sizes...1.5 cm in spine, 2 cm in spine, 2.5 cm in left sacrum 2 cm in the left ischium and other measuring and lesions. No lesions found in prosthesis is again noted. His artificial hip)
-- MRI - shoulders -- No focal lesions seen in either should area. Stable hypointense homogeneous marrow.
-- Bone Marrow specimens -- Aspirate: satisfactory -- Biopsy: satisfactory
The doc is still worried about the lesions not disappearing, but not gravely concerned. She is ordering another aspirate in March 2010. This is where they insert a needle into his back pelvic area and withdraw fluid from one of the lesions. The result is suppose to give her an indication, but it did not last March.He has not been on his routing in over three weeks. Due to business (work) constraints he cannot begin again until December 15. That puts us almost six weeks without the Dex or Velcade. She wasn't happy, but we had no choice. I wasn't happy either, but she believes it won't put us in the danger zone.
We begin the 2nd year Maintenance schedule in March 2010. Instead of the two weeks on/two weeks off, it will be weekly with one day of Velcade and one day of Dex.... It is suppose to be lighter doses, but for some reason being tied down to labs and meds like that weekly tends to put a crimp in your style. He goes to lab and then goes to work and when the labs come back he goes back up for the shot.
We did not ride in Toys for Tots today. It put a heavy burden on me and I think on ChemoSabe, too. We have been every year for the last five years. It was just too doggone cold. With him being off some of his meds, we were afraid the weather would put him down.
We did lief go to church and met the son and big E there. We both cried during the sermon. Our pastor is so good. He brings out the jerkers in you. That, along with big E sitting next to me, it was just more than I could handle. We are blessed.
We have been contemplating on whether we are getting a tree or not. I suppose I will put out our 9 ft. inflatable snowman and the carousel. I really don't have the energy to put lights out or to decorate a tree. I have been crying with each thought of my mother and my little brother. My little brother, because of his loss this year. He has done very well though. He put up his tree and let his granddaughter decorate it. He put up a few lights, too. We are doing Santa Claus lists this week, too.
ChemoSabe and I ventured out to Penneys after church. His closets are packed with dress shirts and pants (a closet for each). An envy of any man. BUT, he had to have two new shirts.. (I think he has some woman in him! ha). So, we went. While we were there we looked at pots and pans. I found a 13 piece copper bottom stainless steel set on sale for half price. We looked at about five different sets. He loves to cook, too. So, we decided on that set and brought it home. It would be mine for the Christmas tree (pretend tree).
The funniest part -- I headed over to the t-shirt section. We got t-shirts a few weeks back and they were the blended cotton instead of the heavy we usually get.. Too thin for me, but I don't wear them. I was looking at the sizes and I pulled out a package. They were the heavy blend. I said, "I really don't like the blended so I am getting this package for you.. Do you like the light blended?" No response. So I looked to my side and the man standing next to me was not ChemoSabe... I smiled and said, "Well, I guess you wouldn't know, would you?" Thank the Lord his cell phone rang then.
I emptied my nine year old pots/pans out of the cabinet and we unloaded the new ones... WE GOT THE WRONG SET. Same pots/pans, but 10 piece set... Of course, we had had to tear the box open. I hate that...but we couldn't get them out. So, for Christmas he will be getting me the pieces we missed... Might as well buy another set at the price you pay for individual pieces. I had to take my old big pots out and put them back into the cabinets, for now.
I love to cook in this weather. It is not uncommon for me to have something in the oven late in the evening each night. Tonight is my favorite and best pecan pie. It is called '72nd Street Pecan'. It is not made with karo syrup, but with pure maple syrup instead. Expensive, but lief worth it.
We have been spending some time with a couple I went to school with the last couple of weeks. The guy, I will call him 'Sambo' and I lived next to each other when I was in 1st and 2nd grade. The girl, I will call her 'Rosita' because her cheeks are rosy and smiles whenever she speaks. I went to junior high with her. They have been married for 41 years. They are such a joy to be with. It makes me feel like I am back in that era. We have laughed and shared our struggles.
Son came over yesterday and blew the leaves off our roof. Oh my!!! I believe there were more on the roof than in the yard. After he left we blew, mowed and burned leaves up to 7:00 p.m. It was like old times working in the yard together. It was a lot of work, but it was so refreshing.
We both shared some difficult situations with his doctor on Friday. Our Research nurse was in the meeting with us. I cried for about an hour. The nurse began to cry, too. I thought I was upsetting her, but she began to share her similar experience with us. Her husband was diagnosed with a rare cancer that is sometimes not detected until too late. It is a cancer that involves the muscles. They did surgery on him and now his right side from under his arm pit to below his waist and around his rib area is dead. He has not feeling of pain or any sensation. She even stayed and we shared after our doctor left.
At times, even when our doctor was present we would laugh out loudly. So, it was a cleansing experience for us. Since that time I have felt a relief. I have felt a pressure has been lifted. Our situation and circumstances have not changed. Even the reason for our crying has not changed, but it worked wonders to share. So to our Research nurse, Jeanie... thank you and we are praying for you.
Well, kids... my fingers are just about worn out. You are probably worn out from reading. Sambo---I hope I didn't make you cry.
Oh, yes, before I forget... WE ARE STILL IN 'REMISSION'!
AND, I just took ten shirts out of the dryer... Go Figure!
Good evening and Love -- Pepper "Go lief forth and rejoice to the Lord"... I really don't like that Word for the Day....
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
Pundit -- Word for the Day -- Wednesday, December 2, 2009
Pundit -- noun
Definition: a learned person: teacher: authority, critic
Rain, Rain, go away....Come again some other day... I have too much to do. Have you finished up your Christmas shopping? I have not even started.
ChemoSabe finished up his tests yesterday with the MRI beginning at 6:30 p.m. He arrived home in time for a semi-warm dinner of oven fried chicken and baked sweet potato. Although he was still a bit sore from the biopsy you could not tell it by the way he ate.
We were early to bed as he needed to be up at 3:00 a.m. for a short trip to northern Arkansas. He made it...
As I was cleaning out my emails this morning I found a comment from someone on our blog dated September 2008. That's right -- 2008. It was from a young woman named Hilliary (aka Baldie)that had cancer. She was 27. I have sent her an email asking about her health... I hope I get a good response.
ChemoSabe ran into a doctor that visited with us a few times last year. He remember ChemoSabe's name and that we rode motorcycles. They had quite a conversation in the elevator. So, you see, this cancer thing does have some good experiences.
Oh, I lost my track.. I was speaking of the September 2008 issue the young lady commented on. I read that blog and then a few after that up to December 2008. As I read them the tears streamed down my face. How fortunate we have been. I remembered the people with MM that have been lost over the last year that we came in contact with. I remembered the ones we still keep in contact with and are doing quite well. We are them, also.
We are blessed that ChemoSabe continues to do well. It is an inconvenience for him to schedule his maintenance visits ever two weeks, get the labs, go for the testing and then follow-up with the doctor. It is troublesome to sort out the pills every night for the twice a day doses. It is a pain to have to run to the drug store for refills. It is a huge pain to have to call in a survey once a month for one of the drugs before it will be released... These pains are NOTHING compared to what could have been and what was for the ones not as fortunate as we. WE ARE BLESSED and Pundit.
You can rank yourselves up in the level of being pundit, also. You have learned so much from 'my' teachings in regard to this disease and the care giving. This is a disease that is controllable.
I often wondered why I never received an answer in the beginning when I kept asking, "What causes this?" "What did we do wrong in our lives to cause this?" Never once did the doctor's pretend to hear me. After many months of thought and prayer and a basic self beating upon my not so blond head anymore...the answer is "NOTHING". There is no answer.
What causes breast cancer, lung cancer, liver cancer, brain cancer. Can we prevent those? My biggest deal then was I wanted to put the blame on something. I felt if I could blame myself, ChemoSabe or someone else that it would go away. It doesn't and it won't.
I will be updating you again later this week on the big lab results and whether or not we have lost any lesions. There is a man staying at one of the cancer houses behind us that began his treatment about six months ago. He started out with 123 lesions. He now has only one... ChemoSabe started out with 25 and still has 25. The good news for him is that they have not grown... Please pray that the bone density and MRI shows shrinkage or disappearance.
Remember -- labs results are coming. Do you remember what the ranges are? I thought so... So, I will give you some help -- WBC (3-12), RBC (4.5-6), Platelets (150-500).
I love you all....
Good afternoon and Love -- Pepper
Definition: a learned person: teacher: authority, critic
Rain, Rain, go away....Come again some other day... I have too much to do. Have you finished up your Christmas shopping? I have not even started.
ChemoSabe finished up his tests yesterday with the MRI beginning at 6:30 p.m. He arrived home in time for a semi-warm dinner of oven fried chicken and baked sweet potato. Although he was still a bit sore from the biopsy you could not tell it by the way he ate.
We were early to bed as he needed to be up at 3:00 a.m. for a short trip to northern Arkansas. He made it...
As I was cleaning out my emails this morning I found a comment from someone on our blog dated September 2008. That's right -- 2008. It was from a young woman named Hilliary (aka Baldie)that had cancer. She was 27. I have sent her an email asking about her health... I hope I get a good response.
ChemoSabe ran into a doctor that visited with us a few times last year. He remember ChemoSabe's name and that we rode motorcycles. They had quite a conversation in the elevator. So, you see, this cancer thing does have some good experiences.
Oh, I lost my track.. I was speaking of the September 2008 issue the young lady commented on. I read that blog and then a few after that up to December 2008. As I read them the tears streamed down my face. How fortunate we have been. I remembered the people with MM that have been lost over the last year that we came in contact with. I remembered the ones we still keep in contact with and are doing quite well. We are them, also.
We are blessed that ChemoSabe continues to do well. It is an inconvenience for him to schedule his maintenance visits ever two weeks, get the labs, go for the testing and then follow-up with the doctor. It is troublesome to sort out the pills every night for the twice a day doses. It is a pain to have to run to the drug store for refills. It is a huge pain to have to call in a survey once a month for one of the drugs before it will be released... These pains are NOTHING compared to what could have been and what was for the ones not as fortunate as we. WE ARE BLESSED and Pundit.
You can rank yourselves up in the level of being pundit, also. You have learned so much from 'my' teachings in regard to this disease and the care giving. This is a disease that is controllable.
I often wondered why I never received an answer in the beginning when I kept asking, "What causes this?" "What did we do wrong in our lives to cause this?" Never once did the doctor's pretend to hear me. After many months of thought and prayer and a basic self beating upon my not so blond head anymore...the answer is "NOTHING". There is no answer.
What causes breast cancer, lung cancer, liver cancer, brain cancer. Can we prevent those? My biggest deal then was I wanted to put the blame on something. I felt if I could blame myself, ChemoSabe or someone else that it would go away. It doesn't and it won't.
I will be updating you again later this week on the big lab results and whether or not we have lost any lesions. There is a man staying at one of the cancer houses behind us that began his treatment about six months ago. He started out with 123 lesions. He now has only one... ChemoSabe started out with 25 and still has 25. The good news for him is that they have not grown... Please pray that the bone density and MRI shows shrinkage or disappearance.
Remember -- labs results are coming. Do you remember what the ranges are? I thought so... So, I will give you some help -- WBC (3-12), RBC (4.5-6), Platelets (150-500).
I love you all....
Good afternoon and Love -- Pepper
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
Disputatious -- Word for the Day -- Tuesday, December 1, 2009
Disputatious -- adjective
Definition: inclined to dispute; marked by disputation; provoking debate; controversial
My, my, my.. How many followers have I lost because I have been so lame in my writings? My last was November 6. Shame on me. If it ain't broke, don't fix it. Well, we haven't been broke, in the health sense of the game so I haven't been trying to fix it in my blog.
We started this week off with labs yesterday. I have to say, they were pretty damn good. WBC looks tremendous. We received a print off today of about six pages. Either I have forgotten some of the lingo or they gave us a lot of stuff we haven't received before. A lot of hemo lingo. His CRP is <5... How low can you go, LIMBO?!?!? (I liked trying to do the limbo in my younger days...like 4 or 5)
We were at UAMS at the crack of dawn today. First up was the bone marrow biopsy. He did no lollipops this trip. Only an Activan to relax him. The tech today did him the last time and he never really winced. I believe she deadened him more in the pelvic after he told her he had gained 20 lb. since the last visit. It was over and we were out in about 15 minutes.
He was to have begun Velcade and Dex today, but with the testing and the doctor's appt. scheduled for Friday, we decided not to begin the two week process. He did check with the clinic after our decision and they agreed. We are getting too good at this.
It gave us some relief for the break, but it still lingers in the back of my mind..."if we slow down, will it speed up?"
We have done quite a bit of riding the last few weeks, but alone. We did a short trip to Heber Springs, Mountain View, Mount Magazine and then to Conway on Saturday to see our riding buddies that haven't been riding. Toys for Tots is this weekend and we always look forward to that. The forecast is 50 degrees.
ChemoSabe's mom gave us a scare. She went in for a routine epidural injection and ended up having spinal surgery. The surgeon informed us she may not walk again (15%). Three days later she is walking with no pain and is now home. Back to her disputatious ways. ha... Just had to use that word.
Thanksgiving was very difficult for my little brother. It was hard for me, so I can only imagine what he went through. But, he has bounced back this week and is putting up Christmas decorations and lights for his granddaughter. We are going shopping for her Santa this week. He has never Christmas shopped. We both might be disputatious before we leave the store. He has gotten a little hard headed.
I have not started any of our shopping. Please note: I say 'we'. I have one of those guys that pretends to know what we have gotten someone else when they open the gift from us. He smiles and usually takes the credit. But, I have to admit. If he bought the gifts I would probably be frowning as we don't agree on what to get individuals. I would probably have more of a shocked look on my face! ha
ChemoSabe has been feeling very well and seems to be back to his old self. If we get a movie or if he is watching the news in his recliner, he takes a loud nap. Like I said -- he seems to be back to his old self. To look at him, you could not believe he has gone through what he has the last year. A gift from God.
Well, I think I have caught you up a bit. I will try to do better. I haven't been sleeping in the spare room as much so I don't correspond much on my computer...
Good night and Love -- Pepper
Definition: inclined to dispute; marked by disputation; provoking debate; controversial
My, my, my.. How many followers have I lost because I have been so lame in my writings? My last was November 6. Shame on me. If it ain't broke, don't fix it. Well, we haven't been broke, in the health sense of the game so I haven't been trying to fix it in my blog.
We started this week off with labs yesterday. I have to say, they were pretty damn good. WBC looks tremendous. We received a print off today of about six pages. Either I have forgotten some of the lingo or they gave us a lot of stuff we haven't received before. A lot of hemo lingo. His CRP is <5... How low can you go, LIMBO?!?!? (I liked trying to do the limbo in my younger days...like 4 or 5)
We were at UAMS at the crack of dawn today. First up was the bone marrow biopsy. He did no lollipops this trip. Only an Activan to relax him. The tech today did him the last time and he never really winced. I believe she deadened him more in the pelvic after he told her he had gained 20 lb. since the last visit. It was over and we were out in about 15 minutes.
He was to have begun Velcade and Dex today, but with the testing and the doctor's appt. scheduled for Friday, we decided not to begin the two week process. He did check with the clinic after our decision and they agreed. We are getting too good at this.
It gave us some relief for the break, but it still lingers in the back of my mind..."if we slow down, will it speed up?"
We have done quite a bit of riding the last few weeks, but alone. We did a short trip to Heber Springs, Mountain View, Mount Magazine and then to Conway on Saturday to see our riding buddies that haven't been riding. Toys for Tots is this weekend and we always look forward to that. The forecast is 50 degrees.
ChemoSabe's mom gave us a scare. She went in for a routine epidural injection and ended up having spinal surgery. The surgeon informed us she may not walk again (15%). Three days later she is walking with no pain and is now home. Back to her disputatious ways. ha... Just had to use that word.
Thanksgiving was very difficult for my little brother. It was hard for me, so I can only imagine what he went through. But, he has bounced back this week and is putting up Christmas decorations and lights for his granddaughter. We are going shopping for her Santa this week. He has never Christmas shopped. We both might be disputatious before we leave the store. He has gotten a little hard headed.
I have not started any of our shopping. Please note: I say 'we'. I have one of those guys that pretends to know what we have gotten someone else when they open the gift from us. He smiles and usually takes the credit. But, I have to admit. If he bought the gifts I would probably be frowning as we don't agree on what to get individuals. I would probably have more of a shocked look on my face! ha
ChemoSabe has been feeling very well and seems to be back to his old self. If we get a movie or if he is watching the news in his recliner, he takes a loud nap. Like I said -- he seems to be back to his old self. To look at him, you could not believe he has gone through what he has the last year. A gift from God.
Well, I think I have caught you up a bit. I will try to do better. I haven't been sleeping in the spare room as much so I don't correspond much on my computer...
Good night and Love -- Pepper
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